No divorce is exactly the same as another. Even if circumstances are similar, the details can make a world of difference. For instance, take a contested divorce in which one spouse used threatening language on the phone. Getting a restraining order might be more difficult because there is no record of the conversation. On the other hand, if the spouse had used text message, there would be a clear, written record of the language.

So, how should you communicate with your spouse during a divorce? Read on for a few tips.

Use written communication

Avoid oral communications in favor of texting and other forms where physical documentation exists. This reduces the incidence of, “One spouse said this, and the other spouse said this,” issues during proceedings. Misunderstandings also become easier to resolve.

You do not necessarily need to keep many of these communications to show your lawyer. However, it could be a good idea to turn over discussions or social media posts on finances, child care (dis)agreements or anything that could affect the divorce proceedings. Of course, you should share any threats and foul language with an attorney.

Tread lightly

Talking with your spouse may be necessary due to parenting arrangements or other issues. However, if you are reaching out about a legal issue, it may be best to direct that conversation through an attorney. If the relationship has a history of domestic violence or abuse, forgo communications if possible. Both you and your spouse should respect a restraining order or no-contact order.

If you see your spouse in person, say, at a play your children are in, keep the conversation light. Depending on the nature of the breakup, you may want to sit separately to prevent either of you from losing your tempers.

Because it is so easy for communications to be taken the wrong way during a divorce, consulting with an attorney may help to prevent or resolve these issues.