Sometimes, when one spouse says that they want a divorce, the other spouse feels shocked. They never thought this would happen to them; they thought they were in a happy marriage. How could things have changed so fast?

Odds are, things did not change very quickly at all. What really happened, in many cases, is that the happy spouse ignored red flags that their partner was not nearly as happy as they were. They overlooked clear signs that divorce was on the horizon. They felt shocked when it finally happened, but their partner had been thinking about it for a long time.

What are some of the red flags you should watch out for? A few of them include:

  • Your spouse makes excuses to avoid spending time with you. Often, they act like they’re looking for a way to escape. Wanting some alone time is natural for many people, but it can become a problem when they constantly seek out other things to do deliberately so they don’t have to come home.
  • Your marriage is no longer romantic. It lacks the intimacy it had in the early days. This doesn’t mean you have to act wildly in love every moment of every day, but you need to know that it could be a problem if you feel like roommates, not partners.
  • Your partner has expectations that do not seem realistic or attainable. You can’t live up to them. They make demands you simply can’t fulfill — such as asking you to spend 100% of your free time with them. Many marriages end because they don’t meet one person’s expectations, and that’s problematic when they had unrealistic expectations from the beginning.
  • One of you starts taking the other for granted. It’s easy to settle into a routine. But couples still need to show each other that they value one another and appreciate what they bring to the marriage.
  • One of you acts selfishly and never thinks of the other person. A marriage really is a partnership, and it requires both people to have equal footing if things are to go smoothly.
  • Your spouse gives almost all of their attention to something else. For some, it’s their work. For others, it’s their friends. For still others, it’s an unhealthy relationship with technology, spending too much time on social media or even playing games. If they only care about one thing and it’s not the marriage, that marriage is not likely to last long.

If your spouse does file for divorce, even if you look back and see these red flags, it’s time to focus on the future. Make sure you know exactly what legal options you have in New Hampshire.