When relationships begin falling apart, many people’s first response is to find a marriage therapist. You may be the first to speak up about needing help in your marriage. This means finding a good day for both you and your spouse to meet an experienced counselor and talk about the issues in your marriage. Some people go to couples therapy for a few weeks, and others may go for years.
However long you may see your marriage therapist, it may never seem like it’s enough. Eventually, you may begin to realize that there’s no saving grace for your marriage. You or your spouse may have thought therapy helped your marriage out, but it never seemed to change anything.
So why might couples’ counseling work for some and not for you? Here’s what you should know:
Your spouse may need individual therapy first
The problems that can occur in a marriage may result from unresolved trauma from your spouse. Everyone comes with a little emotional baggage in life, and some people are good at carrying it, while others drag it along like a bag of bricks. Marriages can support each spouse’s emotional baggage, but not everyone can show they are ready to open up.
Your spouse may need personal therapy to work on themselves before looking at marriage as problematic. Trauma that your spouse experienced as a child or in another relationship may cause them to respond aggressively or suspiciously in your marriage.
Therapy cannot solve everything
Your spouse may have been done with the marriage long before the two of you began couples therapy. They may be riding along because they refuse to acknowledge they no longer want to be in a relationship, or they may be using you for personal gain.
Couples counseling doesn’t work if your spouse isn’t able to participate. If your marriage has turned for the worse, then you may need to know your options for a divorce.